There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
