Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
