If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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