The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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