I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
