$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
