i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
