it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
50% drunk capacity currently
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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