I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
