just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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