True but thats because hes a fetus.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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