also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
