I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
