I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
