I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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