His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
