you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
These tits shall not be calmed
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
