We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
