please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
