Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I need to align my fucking chakras
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
