You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We are all done wearing pants today
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
