I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
organizing the empties. That sober.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
