hell yes lets make some ravioli
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
