Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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