Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
