I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
