I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
