There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
