it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
