theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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