she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
