i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Farmville is her only friend.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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