You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
