Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
