We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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