How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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