Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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