My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
