Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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