Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
