we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
