I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
