who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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