i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
