Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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