My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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