dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
