is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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