Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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