quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
