my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
