having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
