We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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