u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
